Jesus, he is all I need...

I wish I can sit like this every night ; staring at the moon and stars

It second of June today . I'll be leaving by tomorrow . Leaving my comfortable bed, my always-cold-bedroom because it is made of cement and tiles, my warm home and my beloved parents . It's so hard not seeing them before I leave but I believe God has his fascinating plan for me. That's why I'm departing alone this 4th of June . Heading from KK to Sarawak all alone. But luckily, I have my cousin to accompany me tomorrow . We'll depart together from Sandakan to KK.

Today I feel like my day is so gloom. Sorrow . There's no need to tell the reason because I'm not going to humiliate anyone or anybody in this crap entry although my heart is getting a big electric shock starting around 2 o'clock in the evening before. Seriously I don't know why is that person keep hurting US.

Maybe he's envy with our family happiness ? Or he just couldn't make himself into 'US', 'WE' or 'OUR'. It have been always ' HIM ', 'HE' and 'HIS' in his life . Sometimes I feel pity for him because he must feel alone in that way. But we always accept him . Still waiting for him to change into a better person . Still and keep praying for him to change because we believe that every thing that we ask sincerely from God, sooner or later we will get the 'rewards'.

He is accusing me for the thing that I never done, cursing at us for the small matter that we have done and irritating our heart and feelings. Just a few hours ago I felt like I hate him so much and he is the person that I hate most in this world. I cried for hours . Non stop . My mind keep telling me to stop crying but my heart won't listen to it.

Then I lay down on my bed. Closing my eyes . Suddenly my heart is missing something . Yeah . I miss to feel how to be surrounded by the presence of Jesus . I pray . It's been a long time since I ever pray . I told everything to him . I ask him to give me the strength  to forgive each other .

Because Jesus said in Matthew 5:44 ; But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which spitefully use you, and persecute you.

Then I feel a little bit more calm than before . I know, he is the one who gave me all of this infliction and hard tests. So that I will come back to him . I'm such a sinful person , but Jesus is still there for me. Thank you Jesus for standing right besides to me, seeing me fall , making sins yet not leaving me behind; instead of giving me a lot of chances to repent and  do all the things that bring joy to you.

I live because of you, my worship is all for you, My Lord Jesus Christ.